Celebrities undoubtedly have some of the best and the worst tattoos. Even the rich and famous apparently struggle to find a a friend or entourage member who is willing to offer them their real opinion. Not that most of them ask, anyway.
Just like an 18-year-old who gets one for a rite of passage, celebrities also get remarkable, unremarkable and outright WTF body ink to upload to their Instagram accounts. We pine for that teaser headline, “So and so got a new tattoo”…and then hope for the best. Which means that they made some hideous mistake by permanently inking a butterfly, a phrase that everyone has but everyone thinks no one else has, a song lyric that makes no utter sense to match the personality, and my personal favorite, a boy/girlfriend name.
Ouch.
Here are some of our favorites for 2012 – the good, the bad, and the I’m-gonna-regret-this-in-10-years-especially-if-I’m-a-has-been. We’ll take the bad tattoo news first.
NAUGHTY LIST
Chris Brown’s Battered Woman’s Face Tattoo
Come on, you all knew it was coming and it was going to top the list of BAD. He literally can’t help himself from steadily and surely falling from any member of the public’s fan base. But I guess if Rihanna takes you back, then umm I guess – Suck it, world! I’m gonna get an ambiguous tattoo that looks like a battered woman’s face…I mean, a Sugar Skull. A what? Show of hands – who has ever heard of that? Right.
Ke$ha’s Inner Lip Tattoo
Speaking of suck it…yup that’s what’s adorned on Ke$ha’s positively unapologetic bottom lip. I struggled whether this should go on the worst or best list. Because, Ke$ha has never pretended to be anything different or more than what she sings about. And it is kind of clever with the double entrende. But *sigh* inner lip tattoo…that’s so “I’m in high school and I want to be badass but my parents pay for my cell phone so I have to hide a tattoo from them.” Plus, everyone looks ridiculous pulling down their bottom lip, unless it’s to pout for the latest Beckham family portrait.
Harry Styles’s Pirate Ship(?) Tattoo
Once again, Taylor Swift is present to aid and abet the slow demise of a young man. But, this article isn’t about Taylor Swift’s sweet and innocent and tiny heart tattoo on her foot (of course she does). This is about Harry Style’s pirate ship arm tattoo. She’s a beaut, as far as pirate ship tattoos go, and if you’re into that sort of thing. But, it’s going on the bad list cause, well frankly, I don’t get it and also what is happening all around that tattoo? Are there other tattoos that he was trying to cover? It looks like there was just pen marks across his arm, with a rogue heart, and then *boom* gigantic 1700′s-period ship. I’d hope that ole’ Swifty keeps the wind in Harry’s sails. This breakup might be the straw that breaks all the tweehearts camels’ backs.
Chad Ochocino’s Wife’s Face Tattoo
Who says chivalry is dead? Ochocinco made a bold gesture to grovel and then try to win back now ex-wife Evelyn Lozada. I guess right after you head butt your wife, the next logical thing to do is to permanently memorialize your regret by having to look down upon her face every day…on your leg. But, if you think this is self-punishment for a poor, lonely, and apologetic soul – think again. Ochocinco says that out of all the mistakes he’s made in his life, that the wife face tattoo is not one of them.
Scarlett Johansson’s “Lucky You” Horseshoe Tattoo
In no particular order of bad in a bad way-ness: It’s a cliche ribs tattoo. It says Lucky You. It looks like a 4th-grader drew it. It looks like a 4th-grader/prison inmate tattooed it on her. Ugh. It’s like looking at a beautiful piece of fashion and then noticing there’s a hole in it. Frankly, my dear, you should have given a damn who defiled your skin with that atrociousness. (Gone with the Wind/Scarlett O’Hara reference, in case you missed that).
Romney Tattoo on Face Guy (Eric Hartsburg)
In the immortal words of Cuba Gooding Jr, “I bet you’re thinking, oh s***, now!” Perfect summary for this. Not exactly a celebrity prior to the incident, but certainly LiLo infamous afterward. I mean, really, Eric? I hope the 15 minutes of fame and potential money you raised (for yourself, not Mitt Romney) is well worth the pain and cost of having that thing removed. Good luck to yah.
Rihanna’s Thug Life Tattoo
I facepalmed at this one when it first came out. As a Tupac-lover, I still just don’t get it. Is she paying homage to Tupac, does she think she’s Thug Life, was it meant to be in white ink, did it hurt like hell getting it on your knuckles? I guess we could cut her a break since she is a pretty popular customer at the tattoo shop…but, no. Just no.
And now a PSA
Can we make 2013 the year we don’t see any finger tattoos? You know, the ones that EVERYONE has and thinks are hilarious and cool? They aren’t. And they’re permanent for the love of… Just please please please remember that life isn’t all about putting your finger under your nose to show your mustache tattoo…or putting your fiancee’s name on your left ring finger. You WILL have a job interview someday. And more importantly, you will have to live with yourself when you’re 50 years old and that mustache joke has long lost it’s hilarity.
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